i cannot do it on my own

i got a job at macaroni grill. i'm supposed to start on saturday. but then i got this call last night telling me that upon realizing this is father's day weekend (apparently that one snuck up on them), my orientation would be pushed back a week. ergo, i find myself unemployed and broke for yet another seven days. luckily for me, it is just in time for some beautiful weather. a fire lit under me, i undertook some good old fashioned spring cleaning. here's my mind at a glance as i liberated my flower beds from the unneccessary weeds stealing vital nutrients from the soil...

.i have grapes, berries, veggies, flowers, and a whole host of wildlife (both invited and not) on 2+ acres. i am blessed. for realsies.
.a greek salad is not a greek salad without tomatoes. i don't care if i do get salmonellosis. i'm eating my damn tomatoes.
.there's not enough spontaneity in my life.
.i've been feeling extra green of late. i'd blame jess, but i haven't been around her that much... which also makes me blue.
.a warm, smog-free day is incomparable. if you haven't breathed northwest air, i'm sad for you.
.i haven't had a coffee shop drink in 5 days. whoa.
.my spiritual life is in a sorry state. to say the least.
.sometimes, all it takes is a song. thank you, shawn mcdonald.

i lay myself at your feet

asking you, won't you meet

won't you meet me

i cannot do it on my own

i cannot do it all alone

here i am, oh, tonight

with my arms open wide

won't you come inside

won't you come inside, god

come and fill this heart of mine

i'm in need of you

of your touch, of your life, of your love

i need you

i need you


cold tangerines

i went to the beach yesterday with my mum. it was beautiful. and refreshing. and exactly what i needed. the weather was surprisingly cooperative, once we got past about otis. i went for a walk down the beach, and was so busy loving the feel of the wind blowing my hair every which way that i completely missed the giant wave coming up behind me until it was in fact rolling inside of and over top my shoes and had the bottom 4 inches of my pants soaked. but i didn't care. that's how beautiful it was. i wish you could have been there with me. it was too much for just one person to enjoy.
and then i went walking some more on a little trail. you know that time, right at the beginning of hiking season, when the trails are still slighty too soft to be walking, but those who love nature traverse them anyway, because it's worth it to see all that's been hiding for the long winter? it was that time. glorious, indeed. i realize i sound like a thesaurus for the word great, and in doing so i apologize. but it has been some time since i have felt this feeling, so bear with me.

isn't it fascinating what efffect something as small as a buttercup can have?
so, then i got to put my lumberjack skills to good use. not really, of course...it's difficult to feel tough when you're chopping kindling, but that's alright. the fire built, i settled in to wait for some good s'more-making coals. having found a nice flat rock while it was light out, i was all set to melt my chocolate pre-marshmallow and have a better-than-average s'more, thanks to the simple genius of a good friend. the only logical thing left to do was sing ring of fire. mom looked at me funny, but i thought it highly appropriate, given our yuppy (pardon my non-p.c. term) round fire pit.
this morning, i went climbing through the roots of my favorite tree. it's been my favorite tree for as long as i can remember. see, there are these trees that get their start growing on the stump of their predecessors. then, when the stumps rot away, the new tree's roots are left standing. ergo, my playground. yep. that's my story. no five dollars necessary.
so in the middle of my revery and internalization this weekend while i wandered the beach and wilderness, i also found my way into a bookstore, where i was challenged by a book with these words:
"i want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. and i don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. i want to eat cold tangerines and sing loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. i want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and i want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift."
....i bought a pair of pink shoes yesterday.